Below is my original shooting script but with revisions in red. The changes further on the feedback given in the meeting with 'The Writers Group' and overall feedback.
Due to the school seeming slightly unrealistic at times, I changed some locations to be in a Coffee shop instead. This still fits with the genre and will makes the overall setting seem more realistic. This change is made across multiple pages.
To make the school students sound slightly more formal, the line below was changed to make the spoken vocabulary more reminiscent of a young adult.
In the above refinements, I added diegetic music to the script and also a few more effects and shot types to convey the genre of the film. Adding diegetic music at this point adds to the tension of the scene and also provides a placeholder for the editor later on.
In the page above, I made refinements to the text and to the right justified editing information. The dialogue changed or added was to make the script feel more realistic and get across the tension of the scene. For example I added in that the Hooded Figure was 'Breathing Heavily' and that he is heard leaving the hiding place from which he was spying on the students. I also added some more shot types and SFX for the editor to add in to allow easier filming and editing later on.
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